Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from May 12 to 18

''I don't boss Dan around. I am trying to put him in touch with his submissive side.''
Roseanne, to Jackie (Laurie Metcalf), on Roseanne

''Okay, I'm not 22. I'm 25. And 13 months.''
Monica (Courteney Cox), to a much younger man she had just slept with, on Friends

''California Gov. Pete Wilson admitted that an illegal nanny worked for him in the '70s. Upon learning of this, President Clinton immediately nominated Wilson for a Cabinet post.''
Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect

''Russia said it plans to [sell] nuclear technology to Iran. Hello, Iran? Remember Chernobyl? Buying nuclear technology from Russia is like getting Willie Nelson to do your taxes.''
Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live

Originally posted May 19, 1995 Published in issue #275 May 19, 1995 Order article reprints
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