''Every year I go to my family reunion and answer all the same questions: 'No, I'm not married. Yes, I still have the tattoo. No, you can't see it.'''
Roz (Peri Gilpin) on Frasier
''What am I doing here? I don't want to be on this show. I wanted to be on Friends!''
David (Johnny Galecki), during the Gilligan's Island parody on Roseanne
''I assume she'll just go on to cohost that awful show her husband does.''
David Letterman, on Connie Chung's dismissal, on The Late Late Show With Tom Snyder
''The Kennedy compound in Palm Beach has been sold...The new owner said he plans to move in as soon as they clear out the empties.''
Conan O'Brien on Late Night