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A Few Famous Last Words

Quotes from stars addressing the Class of '95 -- Patrick Stewart, Neil Diamond, and Jason Alexander are a few of the graduation speakers

Celebrities say the darnedest things — especially when working a roomful of sheepskin-bearing students. Everything from Kato Kaelin to the space-time continuum was addressed during their speeches to the Class of '95. A crash course:

Star: Star Trek: The Next Generation's Patrick Stewart.
School: Pomona College.
Words of Wisdom: ''I never went to Starfleet Academy and never sat at the feet of the groundsperson Boothby, and I wouldn't know a space-time continuum or warp-core breach if they got into bed with me.''

Star: Melrose Place's Andrew Shue.
School: Drew University.
Words of Wisdom: ''I remember the 1992 vice presidential debate when Ross Perot's running mate, Admiral Stockdale, wondered aloud, 'Who am I? Why am I here?'.I still ask the same question, 'Who am I, and why am I here?'''

Star: Neil Diamond.
School: New York University, which Diamond departed for greener pastures.
Words of Wisdom: (Sung to the tune of ''Louie Louie'') ''Come on, it's party time at NYU! Now you get a chance to fly away! But don't forget your alma mater and come back someday! Louie Louie, oh yeah, we gotta go right now, let me hear it, oh Louie Louie.''

Star: James Garner.
School: University of Oklahoma at Norman.
Words of Wisdom: ''What is it about fame that has made us so goofy? Kato Kaelin has the fastest-growing fan club in America. Why? What did he do? He's just a professional houseguest with bad hair.''

Star: Seinfeld's Jason Alexander.
School: Boston University's School for the Arts, which he left one year shy of graduation.
Words of Wisdom: ''What actor has not accepted hundreds of Academy Awards in their living rooms and bathrooms holding a toothbrush as the little Oscar statue? Success and fame and all of its rewards, that is what you want. That is what everybody, probably, wants. In short, you want what I got.''

Star: James Taylor.
School: Berklee College of Music
Wisdom: ''I would advise you to keep your overhead down; avoid a major drug habit; play every day..''

Originally posted Jun 09, 1995 Published in issue #278 Jun 09, 1995 Order article reprints