''This is a nice surprise especially since I hardly ever rewind my tapes before returning them.''
Jim Carrey, accepting three Blockbuster Entertainment Awards
''Mike Wallace looks terrific [for 77]. And he swears he doesn't dye his hair, which is more than I can say.''
Barbara Walters on Larry King Live
''Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.''
Calvin Trillin on The Late Late Show With Tom Snyder
''As you know, President Clinton closed Pennsylvania Avenue. And it's working out pretty good not a single gunman has been hit by a car.''
Jay Leno on The Tonight Show