Sound Bites

Sound Bites

TV's funniest lines from June 23 to July 6

''I want a man in my life, but not in my house.... My feeling is, come in, attach the VCR, and get out.''
Joy (Joy Behar), a patient on Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist

''You? More relaxed? What is that, dead?''
Saffron (Julia Sawalha), reacting to Patsy's (Joanna Lumley) resolution to be more relaxed, on AbFab

''This is really cool to be nominated twice in the same category, and to win for Dumb and Dumber. But I refuse to believe that I'm a better actor than myself.''
Jim Carrey, who was also nominated for The Mask, on The 1995 MTV Movie Awards

''Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley said they do share a bed.... He gets it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and she gets it Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.''
David Letterman on Late Show

Originally posted Jun 30, 1995 Published in issue #281-282 Jun 30, 1995 Order article reprints
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