''Researchers have found that scuba diving may cause brain damage. Well, there's a shock to the people who watch Baywatch.''
Larry (Garry Shandling) on The Larry Sanders Show
''Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant are listed in the latest Who's Who.... As for Divine Brown, she's listed in the latest Who's Ho.''
Conan O'Brien on Late Night
''I think we're making a step forward, because now rock stars are dying in treatment centers instead of hotel rooms.''
George Carlin, discussing Jerry Garcia's death, on The Late Late Show With Tom Snyder
''Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is taking a vacation this week. He's staying at a nice little desk-and-breakfast place.''
David Letterman on Late Show