''My life couldn't fill a haiku, much less a book.'' -- Bill (Phil Hartman), struggling to write his autobiography, on NewsRadio
''Look at the time. I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry—if I'm late, he can talk amongst himself.'' -- Niles (David Hyde Pierce), on Frasier
''Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network.'' -- Scully (Gillian Anderson), scoffing at a video of an alleged alien autopsy, on The X-Files
''Eighty-three percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 17 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles.'' -- Conan O'Brien on Late Night
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