News Article

TUMBLIN' DICE

THE ROCK BOARD GAME

Pop-music trends change faster than Janet Jackson's wardrobe. What's a poor band to do to keep up with alternative-rock and fashion trends, not to mention the cool people to be seen with in public? Simple-play EW's very own Tumblin' Dice : the Rock Board Game! With it, you too can be part of rock's rich pageant. -DB, Michele Romero Start

Hit puberty. Grow hair long and play air guitar to Kiss and Cheap Trick records in front of mirror. START WITH 100 POINTS.

Spend birthday money on used Stratocaster at neighbor's yard sale. Learn riff to ''My Sharona.'' ADD 25.

Go to college. SUBTRACT 20.

Skim roommate's copy of Spin; San Diego is hot! Cram backpack with clean underwear and split. ADD 5.

Huddle with comrade twentysomethings at espresso bar; form band called Stunted Infant and play local dives. ADD 10

Hip fanzine Screeeech! does cover story on your band, which includes a 45 of your indie single, ''Rupaul is Dead.'' ADD 8

Appear on Iggy Pop tribute album, which gets a B in Entertainment Weekly. ADD 0.

Kurt Cobain takes his kid to preschool wearing a Stunted Infant T-shirt. ADD 5.

Band plays Johnny Depp's Viper Room. Winona Ryder smooches with you bass player; photo appears in tabloids. SUBTRACT 10.

Major label signs your band. First album, Alice's Elephant Mugs, debuts at No. 123 on Billboard chard. ADD 10.

Video for single, :''Spleenbeat,'' debuts on MTV's Alternative Nation Kennedy says you're boss. SUBTRACT 10.

In a Rolling Stone profile, you use the words postmodern and Welcome Back, Kotter in the same sentence. ADD 5. . Get spot on Lollapalooza '94. ADD 25.

Discover during first Lollapalooza show that you will be on the Second Stage- during the Breeders' set. SUBTRACT 10.

Lead singer urinates on fans at a Detroit show. ADD 5.

Appear on Late Show with David Lettermand. Album leaps to No. 7. ADD 15

Appear on Late Night With Conan O'Brien. SUBTRACT 8.

Beavis and Butt-head think your second video, ''Michael Jackson's Genitals,'' is cool. ADD 6.

During taping of Unplugged, you drummer somehow manages to electrocute himself. SUBTRACT 10.

Win Grammy for Best New Artist. Wave trophy at camera and shout ''This sucks!'' before jumping onto Whitney Houston in the first row. ADD 1.

Lead singer slugs heckler during a show. Time's People page dubs him 'the next Eddie Vedder.'' SUBTRACT 5.

Appear on Ringo Starr's duets album, singing along with the ex-Beatle on ''Octopus's Garden.'' SUBTRACT 10.

Second album, Dancehall & Oates, tries to cash in on two trends-rap/reggae and '80s nostalgia-and stiffs Band gets dropped from label. SUBTRACT 20.

Contribute song to soundtrack of St. Elmo's Fire II. Judd Nelson makes cameo in video. SUBTRACT 15.

Singer leaves band to do a techno-workout videotape, Constant Raving! ADD 1.

In 2019, get this close to being admitted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Blind Melon is inducted instead. ADD 50

FINISH

Originally posted Feb 18, 1994 Published in issue #210-211 Feb 18, 1994 Order article reprints
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