1 BALDWIN AND BASINGER Starring in a remake of The Getaway. If only this movie would just go away. 2 THE TONYA DECISION It's finally over. She's buying Paramount.
3 LILLEHAMMER Sometimes you win, sometimes you luge.
4 KATHLEEN BATTLE She's been dropped by the Metropolitan Opera for ''unprofessional actions.'' Imagine a Shannen Doherty with talent.
5 WHOOPI GOLDBERG Thank goodness sh'e agreed to host the Oscars. One more rejectiona dn Spielberg would be getting his award from Joe Franklin.
6 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT ISSUE This is not all men think about. What about beer?
7 MY GIRL 2 Rated MF-13. Macauley-free, suitable for viewers over 13.
8 PETER FRAMPTON The icon of '70s vapidness is staging a comeback. But we already have Michael Bolton.
9 ANN-MARGRET The Kitten With a Whip has writtten her autobiography. Proust she's not, but who'd pay to see him in Viva Las Vegas?
10 STREISAND'S AUCTION They expect her art collection to bring in $6 million . that's a lawn sale in Beverly Hills.
11 CHER She's dumped her artificial sweeterner ads because it's bad for her image. But showing a tattoo on her butt isn't?
12 COPORATE ROCK Sony, Warner, EMI, PolyGram, and Ticketmaster are putting together a music channel to challenge MTV. I want my Suits with Ponytails TV!
13 KENNY ROGERS Why is he back on the tube in MacShayne? That's why they call them NBC Friday Night Mysteries.
14 MICHAEL JORDAN He won't be treated differently from any other minor leaguer. At least that's what his chauffeur told his press agent.
15 WITNESS TO THE EXECUTION A network buys the rights to an electrocution to get higher ratings. Only if Urkel is in the chair.