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1 DOG IQS A book says Border collies are smartest and Afghan hounds are dumbest. Humans who this seriously fall somewhere in between.
2 NANCY KERRIGAN DOLLS The answer to the question. How corny can you get?
3 FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL Don't let people fool you. This is not about Liz Taylor's early years.
4 ROSEANNE AND TOM We hear they're splitting up. Let's hope that doesn't mean there are four of them.
5 BETA-CAROTENE It might cause cancer? Now the cigarette companies will want to use it as an additive.
6 THE BIRMINGHAM BARONS Michael Jordan bought a deluxe bus to get him and his teammates from game to game. If he really wants to play, he'll but the White Sox.
7 DIANA ROSS Rumored to be taking over as the egomaniacal fading star in the L.A. production of Sunset Boulevard. What a stretch, huh?
8 TURNER CLASSIC MOVIE CHANNEL How many times can you watch Klute?
9 SINGAPORE JUSTICE You really want to scar the kid for life? Make him go to an inner-city public high school.
10 BILLY JOEL-CHRISTIE BRINKLEY SPLIT Billy couldn't be reached for comment. He was too busy working on his new album-Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out.
11 ALTAR GIRLS The Vatican has finally given its permission, but they're going to be called altar babes.
12 CHRISTY The Little Schoolhouse in Appalachia. Can't they figure out a way to have traditional values and indoor plumbing in the same show?
13 DON JOHNSON If he doesn't get his career back on track, his problem wiht alcohol will be finding the money to pay for it.
14 THE NEW JAMES BOND Maybe they should stick with Sean Connery. Imagine all the secret gadgets ''Q'' could fit into the dentures.
15 ARSENIO UNEMPLOYED ''Jay, they got it all wrong. I was going to kiss your butt.''
