News Article

The Liars' Club

TV viewer's little lies -- We list the common lies that TV audiences tell

Now that Star Trek: The Next Generation has ended, isn't it finally time to admit that you watched it? Or at least stop insisting that you watched it but you're still not a Trekkie? (Or worse, that you watched it not for its cool special effects but for its symbolism?) While you're at it, why not confess to these other lies, half-truths, and self-delusions that couch potatoes perpetrate?

*''I saw all of Ken Burns' The Civil War.''
*''The Miss America Pageant? Oh, is that still on?''
*''There's definitely too much violence on TV.''
*''There's definitely too much sex on TV.''
*''I get about 70 percent of the questions on Jeopardy! right.''
*''I'm never fooled by those Energizer-bunny commercials.''
*''I only watch PBS and the Discovery Channel.''
*''Bob Berkowitz? Who's Bob Berkowitz?''
*''I can tell the Olsen twins apart on Full House.''
*''I wasn't interested in any of those Amy Fisher TV movies.''
*''I would never appear on a talk show.''
*''I'm never home to catch Dr. Quinn.''
*''I watch Melrose Place only to find out what everyone is talking about.''
*''I've, like, outgrown MTV.''
*''I prefer Donahue when he does serious topics.''
*''I get all the jokes on Mystery Science Theater 3000.''
*''I like Baywatch for its great story lines.''
*''I hate how my kid is hypnotized by Barney.''
*''I've been a Seinfeld fan since the first episode.''
*''I hardly ever watch TV-I'm going to cancel my cable subscription.''

Originally posted May 27, 1994 Published in issue #224 May 27, 1994 Order article reprints

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