News Article

Mario Takes the Field

We imagine what video games could be like in real life

From Pong to World Cup USA '94, sports are always adapted as video games. But why not turn vid games into sports? Imagine these:

*Super Mario Bros. Like jai alai ...but with cheese. Two teams (the Marios vs. the Warios) load balls of wet mozzarella into the cup ends of toilet plungers and whip them at their opponents. Players get points for any gooey cheese residue left on an adversary at the end of the match.

*Sonic the Hedgehog Like Hot Potato ...but with gems. Someone borrows a piece of costume jewelry — or maybe the Hope diamond. Players toss around the glitzy jewel; whoever has the sparkling gem is Sonic. Everyone else is an evil robot and tries to deck Sonic and strip the jewel away.

*Clay Fighter Like sumo wrestling ...but with pudding. Players armed with bags of the creamy dessert tie huge pillows around their bodies. Standing inside a circle drawn in the mud, they try to push one another out to a sticky defeat. Finally, they go in for the dreaded tapioca-face-plant finishing move.

Originally posted Jun 17, 1994 Published in issue #227 Jun 17, 1994 Order article reprints
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