''You've made your own bed and it's available anytime you want to lie in it.''
-Bad-girl Julie (Kylie Travis) trying to woo back David (Brian Gaskill), on Models Inc.

''Another world record was set at the Goodwill Games. Nobody watched today, either.''
-Jay Leno commenting on the mostly ignored sports event

''I mean, I've never said this to another guy, but you've got great lips.''
-Regis Philbin complimenting Nicolas Cage, on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee

''I could kick Patrick Stewart's ass. No question about it.''
-William Shatner responding to a question about whether Captain Kirk could beat Captain Picard in an intergalactic battle, on The Tonight Show


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