SCHLOCK OF AGES

All right! Kiss Alive III! Sixteen songs, recorded live last year, spanning all stages of the career of these hard-rock troglodytes-from enduring headbangers like ''Deuce,'' to more recent wink-nudge cheesefests like ''Unholy'' and ''Lick It Up''! Tighter and tougher than Alive II, if not the landmark Alive! But wait-that's not all! Music is hardly the only value of such an important artifact! Consider their between-song patter, surely among the most wonderfully inane in the entire music industry: ''Here's a song-you probably know this one by the beginning. The song's got a beginning where you go, 'Oh, yeah! I know that one!'''-Paul Stanley before ''Heaven's on Fire'' ''This song is dedicated to you-'cause this song is about people who know what rock & roll is about! (cheers) It doesn't matter where you're born, it doesn't matter where you come from, it matters where your head is at!'' (bigger cheers)-Stanley before ''Detroit Rock City''

''Let me tell you my story. I got a man-sized predicament! It's a big one! It goes like this ''-Gene Simmons before ''Domino'' ''This song-it's about what we believe in-I know it's about what you believe in! It ain't bulls -- - when you say, 'Rock & roll all night (and) party every day!'''-Stanley before, well, you know ''CRRANNNGGG!''-smoke bomb during ''I Was Made for Lovin' You'' You gotta love these clods! B

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