BABEWATCH

Some publications deconstruct Nietzsche, but we prefer something more complex: an episode of everyone's favorite syndicated king leer-a-thon, Baywatch (right). You're probably thinking, ''An hour-long show every week about a bunch of lifeguards-how do they do that?'' Here's how, taken from one recent show: | *Time devoted to dream montage of female stars cavorting on the beach: 2 minutes, 32 seconds *Number of references to sneaking a peek into the locker room of female lifeguards: 2 *Number of shots of babes running in their red tanks: 5 *Number of shots of Susan Anton (playing the mother of an imperiled female lifeguard) looking worried: 13 *Number of drawn-out shots of female derrieres: 3 *Approximate time devoted to dialogue on the one-hour show: 9 minutes, 21 seconds