''If Michael Jackson really wants to disappear, he should just hang out with Tito.'' -Jay Leno ''(John Wayne Bobbitt's) doctors said it should probably take him about two full years to recover completely and they think now it will be another five years before he's comfortable dining at a Benihana's.'' -David Letterman
''I live in Los Angeles. I'd like to say this: If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put the video camera down and help me.'' -Bobcat Goldthwait to Conan O'Brien
''The three words that could make you think twice about gays in the military: General Richard Simmons.'' -Arsenio Hall
