Here comes the bride; there goes your money. Paying $143,000 for your daughter's wedding seems outrageous, but that's how much Steve Martin shells out in Father of the Bride (Approximately 572 guests at $250 per person), not including the nine round-trip tickets from Copenhagen for relatives ($10,323). Is this for real? We asked a wedding consultant on each coast-Philip Baloun of Philip Baloun Designs in New York City and James Deely of Jim Deely's Cheese & Pasta Inc. in Santa Monica-to give us the lowdown. Why the difference? ''Catering is dirt cheap in California,'' says Baloun. But Deely says, ''This was no $150,000 wedding. For that we're talking watered silk and damask, we're talking never-never land.'' THE BASICS NEW YORK LOS ANGELES

*Tent, decorations, lights, and flowers $35,000 $22,600 *Rentals: china, linens, furniture $22,880 $18,304 *Seafood dinner and open bar $71,500 $50,792 *Two parking attendants $135 $240 *Six-man band $5,000 $1,800 *Eight limousines $2,800 $1,000 *Invitations and postage $7,150 $2,465 *Moving van to clear the house $1,500 $625 *Two ice sculptures $500 $550 *Outdoor landscaping (tulips) $100 $50 *Three live swans $975 $200 *Wedding planner's fee $22,131 $14,794 *TOTAL $169,671 $113,420


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