32 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT

When does cool become cold? Sometimes all it takes is a bad movie, or a bad attitude, or the feeling that the thrill is gone, gone gone, Talk about chilling-the selections on this page are pure ice. COLUMBUS MOVIES Nothing tireder than beating a dead conquistador. DOWNTOWN Clubs, coke, yams, minimalist writers, geeky guys all in black-even Jay McInerney knows enough to come in out of the snow. HAND SIGNS Including high fives, power fists, V's-for-peace (still favored by Ringo Starr, which is a temperature tip-off). ANYTHING SKEWERED IN THE PLAYER You can kiss Range Rovers and designer bottled water goodbye. MICKEY ROURKE It's the gold tooth, the greasy hair, the whole fetid gestalt. ANY ORIGINAL STILL LIVING CAST MEMBER OF SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Danny, Chevy, Laraine. Hey, excu-u-se us. TATTOOED, PIERCED, AND OTHERWISE MUTILATED BODY PARTS Except on Roseanne Arnold. CAST CHANGES TO SHORE UP AILING TV SERIES Julia Duffy did not redo Designing Women. A new cast did not wow L.A. Law juries. OVERBEARING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS And related benefiteers. (Do you really want to eat something called Rainforest Crunch?) BOXING MOVIES A hard left jab to Rocky and his fellow contenders STEVEN SPIELBERG Time to put away those decoder rings in the Overgrown-Boys Club. WANNABE BROTHERS Frank Stallone sort of sings, Jim Belushi sort of acts, Christopher Penn sort of exists in the shadow of ultra-classy Sean. TAKING ONESELF TOO SERIOUSLY Woody Allen lost in shadows and fog. Bette Midler for the birds. Lighten up. RAMBLING, UNPREPARED AWARDS ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES Downright rude. Stop it. (And, um, er, ah, that, um, includes you, Jonathan Demme.) OUTING CELEBRITIES Unless they're homophobic politicians. ICE CUBE, ICE-T, VANILLA ICE These tags are frozen stiff.