JIM MULLEN'S HOT SHEET

What the country is talking about this week 1 JOHN MELLENCAMP'S THIRD MARRIAGE Betty Ford should open a center for people who think this time will be different.

2 LENO FIGHTS BACK I am not. You are too. Am not. Are too. Not. Am. Not! Am!

3 GUNS N' ROSES RIOT You know, five or ten thousand people can, like, spoil it for everybody.

4 THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION Stop! My heart can't take the excitement. I don't know about you, but when Newt Gingrich speaks, I throw away the clicker.

5 REEBOK Saved the ad, lost the product. You gonna wear what Michael Jordan wears or what Dave wears?

6 FUN WITH SADDAM Whoops! You can't inspect that building-you forgot to say ''Saddam says.''

7 BUSH'S MISTRESS I don't believe it. What could she ever see in him?

8 SINGLE WHITE FEMALE You can't always tell if your seemingly normal roommate is a psycho killer. I've learned just to assume it.

9 ONE MORE MAN JOKE How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They'll screw anything.

10 FABIO The Tarzan-like romance-novel cover model is ready for bigger and better things. He wants to pose for serious books.

11 WHISPERS IN THE DARK I have nutty-psychiatrist phobia: the fear of seeing the same movie cliches over and over.

12 MISTRESS Robert De Niro as a producer. He had to lose a few million dollars for the part.

13 BASEBALL MEMORABILIA Charlie Sheen spent $93,500 for an $8 baseball. Was it overvalued or is he overpaid?

14 COURTNEY LOVE She couldn't be here tonight to pick up the Unfit Mother of the Year Award; she's out buying lead paint for the nursery.

15 POLLUTING LAWN MOWERS The Smog Police want them banned. Anybody know how to start a goat?