TWO-PART HARMONY

Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs, but others prefer * depressing tales of marital woe. Here are the top five tunes not to request from your wedding deejay: D-I-V-0-R-C-E Tammy Wynette The Queen of Heartbreak spells out to spare her 4- year-old Joe the awful fate of her marriage. She warbles, ''Watch him smile/ He thinks it's Christmas or his 5th birthday.'' A

YOU BETTER SIT DOWN KIDS Cher The flip side of the story: Cher yelps (off-key) the words of a man with bad news about mommy and daddy's future living arrangements. B-

SARA Bob Dylan Dylan exhales the blues through his harmonica in this remembrance of connubial bliss past. He pleads with his soon-to-be-ex-wife Sara, a ''scorpio sphinx in a calico dress,'' to ''forgive his unworthiness.'' B+

ALL MY EX'S LIVE IN TEXAS George Strait This line from Strait's wry 1987 country hit says it all: ''All my ex's live in Texas/That's why I hang my hat in Tennessee.'' A

TAKE A LETTER MARIA R.B. Greaves In this 1969 soul chestnut, a husband catches his wife with another man and decides to untie their wedding knot. Then he seeks the solace-and steno skills-from his secretary, Maria. B+