MAMBO JUMBO

Don't let The Mambo Kings give you any loco ideas: It's not as simple as it looks to dance like Antonio Banderas. I tried to learn how to mambo, following the E-Z lessons on three how-to-dance home videos, and here's what I found: In LEARN TO DANCE: THE LATIN DANCES (1988, Parade, $19.99), spry instructor Cal del Pozo explains the basic steps and emphasizes the all-important hip motion (throw the hip on the leg with the weight on it), which made me feel less like Armand Assante and more like the Elephant Man during practice. Cal's dancers also give thorough demonstrations of the rumba, the cha-cha, and the tango, all of which employ the basic side-to-side and forward-back Latin steps. DANCING: LATIN (1989, Best, $19.99), from the Fred Astaire studios, gives quick demonstrations of the cha-cha (the mambo with a triple step thrown in) and the salsa. But it's hard to take the tape seriously when host John Monte's lips aren't in synch with the soundtrack. If you're already rhythmically deprived, this seems like a bad omen. Finally, learning from sunny Kathy Blake, the instructor on LET'S LEARN HOW TO DANCE: MAMBO (1986, Butterfly, $39.95), is like getting a nice hot bowl of soup from Florence Henderson. She's thoughtful, she repeats steps often, and occasionally the words ''Rejoice...You're learning to dance'' flash on the screen. If only that were verdad. Learn to Dance: A Dancing: B- Let's Learn: B+