WANNA BE MADONNA?

COOK: $52,000 For all those healthy, veggie meals, a personal chef from the Epicurean Connection in L.A. at $1,000 a week. HAIR: $4,810 New York stylist Stephen Knoll advises a ''shaping'' every four weeks, plus color and treatment work every three.

MAKEUP: $3,400 Makeup artist Sandy Linter recommends a $400 working makeup kit (brushes, blushes, powder, lipstick, etc.) on each coast that's completely updated three times a year, plus $1,000 for spur-of-the-moment buying.

CLOTHES: $182,500 Designer Michael Kors suggests: *15 dressy looks ($5,000 apiece) *25 day looks ($3,500 apiece) *$12,000 for accessories like belts *$4,000 twice a year for basics like jeans, T-shirts, and sweats.

OUTER LINGERIE: $20,550 Wearable-lingerie artist Josie Natori's call for a basic wardrobe: 30 bustiers, 30 bodysuits, 30 bras to wear out, 30 pairs of leggings, and 20 pairs of girdle pants.

SKIN: $3,840 That's the cost of twice-monthly ''ultimate'' treatments (for the entire body, from face to feet), says Vera Brown of Vera's Retreat in the Glen in Bel Air, Calif.

WAXING: $900 + An at-home full leg and bikini wax once a month (at $75 per), say the experts at Aclime Life Spa in Beverly Hills.

JEWELRY: $21,185 That would pay for a basic supply of sterling silver earrings, cuff bracelets, rings, necklaces, cross pendants, and belts, estimate the folks at New York jewelry designer Robert Lee Morris.

EVIAN WATER: $832 That's the cost for one case (20 medium-size bottles) a week at $16 per case.

PURSES: $4,075 Five basic bags (two sporty, one luggage type, and two evening) are a necessity, says Joseph Cruise of Maud Frizon in New York.

NAILS: $5,200 Weekly at-home manicures and pedicures ($100 for both) are a must, say the folks at Aclime.

PERSONAL TRAINING: $35,880 Linda Hamilton's muscle maven, Anthony Cortes, suggests two hours a day, six days a week for about 13 weeks to get into shape, followed by four one-hour sessions a week for maintenance.

SHOES: $41,840 The bare minimum, according to George Malkemus of Manolo Blahnik: 23 pairs (boots, mules, flats, oxfords, and pumps) times two (''You want a pair for each coast so you never have to pack'').

TOTAL DAMAGE (not including dry cleaning) $377,012