R.I.P. J.R.

ENDINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE
*J.R. wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette. It's all been a dream.

*J.R. ticks off Hannibal Lecter.

*J.R. goes into the woods with Twin Peaks' Major Briggs, turns into an owl.

*J.R. turns good after being exorcised by a team of experts from 20/20.

*thirtysomething's Gary takes J.R. for a little ride.

*J.R. is ruined when he writes a tell-all about the oil cartel, You'll Never Drink Lunch in This Town Again.

*J.R., dressed in a peanut suit at his young son's birthday party, is shelled to death by a rogue elephant.

*Larry Hagman falls victim to another round of CBS layoffs.

*The Korean War ends, and they all go home. — Mark Harris