1. Ice Cube
The newest Hollywood hyphenate. Gangsta-acta-rappa.
2. Mel Brooks
Life Stinks, but so did Spaceballs.
3. The China Beach Finale
I liked it much better than the actual
war.
4. Danny Bonaduce
Enough already with this loser. He's making a
felony out of a misdemeanor.
5. Cruella De Vil
The best villain ever. This movie couldn't be
more PC unless it was 101 Baby Seals.
6. Studs
The X-rated version of The Dating Game. Brings all the
class, culture, and charm of a topless bar right into your living
room.
7. Lake Shasta
They had a plan to clean up accidents like this,
but it happened on her day off.
8. Deceased Duets
Hank Jr. had a big hit with his father, and now
Natalie Cole. Who's next? Nelson?
9. Christian Slater
It's not true. When Jack Nicholson gets a
headache, Christian does not take an aspirin.
10. The Soviet Economy
How bad is it? Imagine this country if it
were run by your cable TV franchise.
11. The California ''Snack'' Tax
What ding-dong got this jerky
idea? Some nut from Carmel?
12. Tour de France
Dump the bike and rent a car. You'll never see
the real France in one of those big groups.
13. Scrambled Huevos
The Texas Tornados' lyrics for McDonald's
''breakfast'' burrito are wonderfully twisted. Oye up.
14. Senators' Pay Raise
If this keeps up, someday members of
Congress will cost as much to keep as crack babies.
15. Poison Pen
The Kitty Kelley bio calls her a lying, thieving,
striving cheat who sleeps around. If those are her qualifications,
she could be a senator.
