1. Pee-wee Herman
Putting an end to that ''eunuch'' rumor the hard way.
2. Baby Boom
Demi Moore, Katie Couric, and Maria Shriver all gave birth within a week of each other. Tell me that wasn't some Halloween party.
3. Sean Young
She did get one part for the rest of her life Cuckoo Woman.
4. Michelle Pfeiffer
She's such a perfect Catwoman that I'm getting neutered before I see Batman II.
Bank of Criminals and Crooks International. The first clue should have been the statements addressed to Resident.
6. Milwaukee Body Parts
Where were the police 17 bodies ago? Chasing Pee-wee Herman?
7. Liz Taylor's Eight Marriage
There's one thing a man has to have before Liz Taylor marries him her address.
8. Woody Harrelson
How many celebrities can say Dad's in prison for murder? Three or four, tops.
9. William Hurt
The one time you can see a doctor for $7.50.
10. JFK Jr. and Sarah Jessica Parker
Two young, attractive, rich people rolling around on the beach half naked. It's either the Kennedys or they're making a beer commercial.
11. Hot Dogs
Protesters complain they're made of eyeballs and hooves. And I always thought it was snouts and ears.
12. Cover to Cover
A new TV show based on stories in women's magazines. And didn't I just read in New Working Mother Woman that watching TV causes a big butt?
13. The Adventures of Mark and Brian
Two more deejays trying to break the TV , barrier. The sign for their audience doesn't say, ''Applause.'' It says, ''Jump.''
14. Naked Hollywood
Says agents are slimy, actors are shallow, and producers are shameless. Is that it, or is there a surprise ending?
15. George Harrison
Harrison's first real tour in 17 years and where can you see it? Japan. Thanks, mate, have a nice life.