Coffee, Tea, or Milli Vanilli?

FASTEN YOUR HEADPHONES

For those taking to the skies this summer, here's a guide to the musical offerings of the major domestic carriers during July and August. Programming was rated on the grounds of originality and unpredictability — or, simply, on the basis of whether the selections will force you to watch the movie instead.

DELTA
Aiming for a highbrow yuppie image, Delta devotes an entire channel to nouveau cabaret man Michael Feinstein; likewise, the easy-listening channel includes Harry Connick Jr., Joni Mitchell, and Neil Diamond. Bonus points: a New Age channel that ignores the likes of George Winston in favor of avant- rocker Brian Eno and keyboardist Lyle Mays; a quirky world-music channel (Israeli pop singer Ofra Haza, Irish folkie Luka Bloom); and a country channel with an emphasis on honky-tonk (Merle Haggard, Ricky Skaggs, Clint Black). Minus points: an old-wave comedy channel (Cosby, Newhart, Jonathan Winters) and a standard-issue pop lineup (''Save Me,'' ''Alright,'' ''Vogue''). Up for grabs: a talk-show discussion on ''How often we take the pencil for granted.'' B+

CONTINENTAL
''One of the most experimental airlines'' (in the words of AEI) more or less lives up to that description this summer. Miles Davis, Charles Mingus, Charlie Christian, and Billie Holiday, among others, appear on a channel spotlighting CBS' Jazz Masterpieces reissues, while an above-average classical program includes works by Gluck, Grieg, and Liszt. Creativity is also evident in a ''Famous Pairs'' program (Frank & Nancy Sinatra, the Everly Brothers, Simon & Garfunkel, Sonny & Cher). The pop channel tosses in Sinead O'Connor and the Chills alongside the usual suspects (the B-52's, Janet Jackson, Madonna). Likewise, the world-music channel has its share of hokum but compensates with Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Jimmy Cliff. The Dave Grusin channel, which compiles themes from Heaven Can Wait, The Fabulous Baker Boys, and other films, is for soundtrack buffs only. B+

TWA
A truly odd lot. Entire channels devoted to Paul McCartney (combining Beatle and solo tracks), Arista Records (Whitney Houston, Air Supply, Milli Vanilli), and Barry Manilow. A somewhat misleading ''Best of the Big Bands'' program (Doc Severinsen, but not Glenn Miller or Tommy Dorsey). A classical channel that doesn't get any more daring than Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet. And yet — a ''TWA Time Machine'' with the Byrds, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Sly & the Family Stone, Elvis Presley, the Zombies, and Booker T. & the MGs. And a less-bland-than-usual country channel with Clint Black, Lefty Frizzell, Rodney Crowell, Jo-El Sonnier, and Lyle Lovett. B

PAN AM
The best pop of any domestic airline (Bonnie Raitt, Depeche Mode, Electronic, Don Henley, Quincy Jones) and an inspired choice of full-length opera (Manon with Beverly Sills). But bland-on-bland rules, thanks to an all-Carly Simon channel and a Beatles program that focuses on the easy-listening side of Lennon-McCartney (''Michelle,'' ''Yesterday,'' etc.). B-

UNITED
Plays it safe all the way, from ''Classical Collections, Romantic Expressions'' (Chopin, Beethoven) to ''Softly Contemporary'' (James Taylor, Judy Collins, Christopher Cross). Also predictable: the New Age channel, featuring Vangelis, Andreas Vollenweider, and Enya; and the Top 40 channel, ''Sound Scene'' (Janet Jackson, Taylor Dayne, Richard Marx). At least the ''Countrypolitan'' channel kicks a little butt, thanks to Rodney Crowell, Hank Williams Jr., Dwight Yoakam and k.d. lang, Keith Whitley, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Since Air Force One uses United programming, President Bush will be able to tap his foot to Joan Jett's ''Celluloid Heroes,'' Madonna's ''Dear Jessie,'' and Buck Owens' ''Tijuana Lady.'' B-

AMERICAN
Generally undistinguished in all respects, with the exception of a Van Morrison program. The kids' channel features Jodie Foster reading The Fisherman and His Wife. For fans of the absurd: ''Japanese Contemporary'' includes foreign-language renditions of ''Let Me Call You Sweetheart'' and the reggae classic ''Many Rivers to Cross.'' C+