THE WORST
1. Rick Wes
North, South, East, Wes
This record — sung by a teenage Elvis clone — may well be the
shallowest album ever made. What's most amazing, though, is that it
was produced by Maurice Starr, inventor of New Kids on the Block,
who, if nothing else, is a seasoned pro. Nearly as astounding is that
the record's opening track is quite literally a commercial, a
hype-filled promotion for the hapless music that follows.
2. Wilson Phillips
Yes, they come from a fine musical heritage: the Beach Boys and
the Mamas and the Papas. But that hardly redeems music so oily slick
that the CD nearly slips out of its jewelbox.
3. The Luke LP, featuring the 2 Live Crew
Banned in the U.S.A.
Any rap group with boasts this lame normally couldn't get
arrested. In fact, the 2 Live Crew did — but that doesn't make their
unlively rap any better.
4. Andrew Ridgeley
Son of Albert
Aside from a few decent singles courtesy of George Michael, we
barely needed Wham! and we need a solo album by its silent member
even less.
5. Milli Vanilli
The Remix Album
What's next — a live album?
6. Donny Osmond
Eyes Don't Lie
His second comeback album is, amazingly, even blander and more
anonymous than the first. Stubble and synthesizers do not, it turns
out, make the man.
7. Harry Connick Jr.
Lofty's Roach Soufflé and We Are in Love
These albums were released as a pair, as if one alone couldn't
satisfy Connick's ambition. Lofty's Roach Soufflé is jazz, played in
a style that's almost a carbon copy of the late (and much greater)
Thelonious Monk. But the sudden pauses and knotty clusters of
unexpected notes that were marks of Monk's greatness sound, in
Connick's hands, like mistakes. We Are in Love is pop, of an
old-fashioned sort, which Connick sings and plays with more than a
little charm. But it is the charm of a used-car salesman who hopes
you won't notice how rusty the autos on his lot really are.
8. Carly Simon
My Romance
A lovely woman sinks under the weight of pop standards, which, to
judge from the strain in her voice, are just too hard for her to
sing.
9. Jon Bon Jovi
Blaze of Glory
Jon put on his cowboy boots and hat, strapped on his acoustic
guitar, and cranked out an album of overwrought songs for the
brat-pack Western Young Guns II. In comparison, his earlier Wanted
Dead or Alive sounds like Copland's Appalachian Spring.
10. David Cassidy
If Donny Osmond as king of the dance floor was hard to take,
imagine the former Keith Partridge as ersatz hard rocker, the
forgotten member of Journey. His heavy-metal remake of the '50s
classic ''Hi-Heel Sneakers,'' with a bit of ''I Think I Love You''
electronically sampled within it, is one of the year's high-camp
highlights.
