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Simon, why are you always dogging cohost Ryan Seacrest about his wardrobe?

SIMON Well, have you seen it? He wore a see-through blouse! The words fashion and disaster come to mind.

What about his partner Brian Dunkleman, who once said to a contestant ''Miami in the hizouse.'' Who the hell is this guy?

RANDY Brian's cool. He's a comedian. He's just cracking jokes.

SIMON Well, that's debatable. I think he and Ryan are like the Robin and the Hood of the show. They're the protectors of the weak, aren't they? They're quite amusing, really. They don't know what they're talking about when it comes to judging talent.

RANDY Yeah, I can remember Ryan crying with A.J. when he won.

SIMON I see Ryan crying quite a lot. It's probably to do with the fact that his hairdresser hasn't turned up on time or something.

Okay, now the big question is, who's gonna win? Predictions?

SIMON At the moment, it's quite obvious that a lot of people think Justin [Guarini] could win this competition. I'm not gonna say who, but I think there are one or two dark horses, and this is gonna be a lot closer than people think. And personality at this point will play a huge part in this, I'm telling you.

RANDY And that's the star thing the public gets into and taps into and sees. And Justin's clearly a star.

PAULA You can't deny it. He's got that whole thing, but you're gonna see, there's more than one.

Finally, and this is a bit awkward, but I'm thinking of a career change and was wondering if you guys could critique my singing voice if I sang you a few bars?

RANDY Bring it on, dog!

Straight up now tell me, do you really want to love me forever (oh oh oh)/Or am I caught in a hit-and-run/Straight up now tell me is it gonna be you and me together (oh oh oh)/Are you just having fun?

RANDY That was absolutely horrible.

PAULA I'm speechless.

SIMON Okay, well, congratulations. You just made Paula Abdul sound like Pavarotti. You're a great interviewer, but you're a lousy singer.

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Originally posted Jul 19, 2002 Published in issue #663 Jul 19, 2002 Order article reprints
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