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OLIVER BEENE FOX, 7:30-8 PM DEBUTS JANUARY

CONCEPT Oliver (plaintive Grant Rosenmeyer) is an 11-year-old at the mercy of a family, led by Murphy Brown's Grant Shaud, caught up in Cold War panic. Bomb shelters, nuclear holocaust...hysterical! THE SCOOP ''We're using the era of 1962,'' says exec producer Howard Gewirtz, but ''we want the filmmaking techniques, the stories, and the humor to be very much of today. We're doing things The Wonder Years couldn't have done.... To us, a bad word is nostalgia.'' BOTTOM LINE To us, a bad word is obvious. This alternately sentimental and crude piece of work is unlikely to find sympathy among the savvy viewers of the shows it's sandwiched between, Futurama and The Simpsons.

BRAM AND ALICE CBS, 8-8:30 PM DEBUTS OCT. 6

CONCEPT Dissolute, one-hit-wonder British novelist (Chocolat's Alfred Molina) meets the grown-up daughter (Two Guys and a Girl's Traylor Howard) he never knew he had, and she moves into his comfy Manhattan digs with him. Alternate title: One Guy, a Girl, and a Ritzy Place. THE SCOOP The sitcom (from Frasier brains Christopher Lloyd and Joe Keenan) took some flak from prissy critics about Molina's boozy advances toward Howard before he knows who she is; charges of incest were hurled. ''It's a show about a hapless older guy who sees a pretty woman and starts to take advantage until he learns that it's his daughter, at which point he's horrified,'' says Lloyd. ''That's obviously just the first show. After that, it's about a father and daughter getting to know each other.'' Daughter will also be dating an older guy, says Keenan: ''In the second episode, when her boyfriend walks in and he's 55, her father says, 'Who am I kidding?' This is a woman who is looking for a father.'' Bram will also teach a writing class: fodder for randiness, fer sure. Says Lloyd: ''The class is composed mostly of earnest graduate students. He reserves one place in the class, and that tends to be a pretty girl who has very little talent. Anyway, he will never hit on her while she's a student, but he might lay the groundwork for something down the line.'' Molina is delightfully blunt about the offended critics: ''Well, they weren't very bright. What can you do?'' BOTTOM LINE Well, for one thing, you can get the writers to give you funnier punchlines. The actors are crackerjack, but the pilot lacks the gut-busters we'd expect from Frasier vets.

AMERICAN DREAMS NBC, 8-9 PM DEBUTS SEPT. 29

CONCEPT In 1960s Philadelphia, Meg (Brittany Snow) wants to be a dancer on the city's hottest show, American Bandstand. Dad (Tom Verica) objects, but she succeeds, bringing along friends and romantic subplots. THE SCOOP The drama is intercut with black-and-white clips of the actual Bandstand, hosted by Dick Clark. Creator Jonathan Prince: ''This is really cool -- we have an episode where Meg is late because she needs Dad's permission to go on her first date. She's running to Bandstand to tell [her best friend] Roxanne, 'My dad said yes!' You see Meg -- in full color -- run to the soundstage. Then in a black-and-white clip I have from an old Bandstand, a girl, in real life, runs across the camera in front of Dick while he's talking. So Dick Clark says, 'What was that?' You cut to Meg, and Roxanne says, 'You were just on TV.''' BOTTOM LINE That is cool, but does the show have a (dramatic) beat, and can you (emotionally) dance to it? Not in the gawky pilot.

THE GRUBBS FOX, 9:30-10 PM DEBUTS NOV. 3

CONCEPT Sitcom starring Randy Quaid and Carol Kane, about a proudly stupid and vulgar family -- except for 13-year-old Mitch (Michael Cera), who'd like to be smart and better-mannered. Note: It was in production before The Anna Nicole Show premiered. THE SCOOP Of the grubby Grubb clan, Quaid says: ''People see themselves and their family members in [this] kind of show. Families can sit down and watch and laugh at themselves. And at the same time, they start to question, 'Am I really like that?!''' Joshua Sternin, exec producer, goes existential on us about Papa Grubb: ''This guy says, 'If you give up, you can be happy.''' BOTTOM LINE A so-bad-it's-fascinating series, filled with intentionally awful jokes and over-the-top performances by good actors.