Home
--Although you won an Emmy in 1989 as a writer on ''SNL,'' your talk show has come up short six consecutive times. So tell us, is it really ''just a thrill to be nominated''?
No, it's a thrill to get a deep massage in the upper thigh -- nominated I wouldn't say is a thrill. It's kind of like being told you've been called for jury duty. It means you've gotta go, you've gotta show up. People think the Emmys are really exciting, but it's just a high school assembly with better skin.
--If blondes have more fun, what do redheads have?
Sensitivity to light.
--What did you learn at Harvard that prepared you to host a talk show featuring a masturbating bear?
Absolutely nothing. I think my time would have been better spent at the DeVry Institute than at Harvard. There's somebody out there who was going to cure cancer, but didn't because I took that slot. And instead, I used it to get The Masturbating Bear into as many homes as possible, probably causing cancer.
--If there were a talking Conan doll, what would it say when you
pulled the string?
''Sorry about my self-hate.''
--What would happen if all the late-night talk-show hosts had a sleepover party?
Wow. That would be dysfunction junction. I can imagine a lot of things, but I can't imagine Letterman and Leno giggling and having a pillow fight. I'd pay a lot of money to see that -- the
two of them giggling, wearing feet-y pajamas, and hitting each other with pillows.
--And what would you be doing?
Me? I'd be watching my own show and saying ''Shhhh -- here comes the
funny part!''
You Might Also Like
- Television News Conan O'Brien's ''Late Night'' heir | Jennifer Armstrong
- TV Spotlight Jimmy Fallon claims Conan seat | Dan Snierson
- Monitor Monitor | Simon Vozick-Levinson
- Television Commentary empty shell
