Gotta Have 'Friends'

Despite 23 nominations, HBO's ''Six Feet Under'' was dead on arrival at this year's Emmys with only one win for Outstanding Directing, but the ceremony itself was hardly a stiff. Thanks to some spunky hosting from Conan O'Brien and surprise wins for ''The Shield'''s Michael Chiklis, ''Everybody Loves Raymond'''s Ray Romano, and ''Friends'' star Jennifer Aniston, the show that went on and on was actually worth watching. Here are the awards EW.com would have handed out if Conan had only passed us the damn microphone.

BEST SPIN Rob Lowe and ''The West Wing'''s producers may have gone head to head in ugly contract negotiations just weeks ago, but the entire cast put on their best game face when the subject of the former Brat Packer's upcoming exit from the show was broached. ''We will all miss him,'' costar John Spencer explained. ''But someone said this to me recently: 'Why are all of you so overblown about this? People come and go from the real Oval Office all the time, and the White House survives.''' Lowe himself was equally cheery while showing his support after his soon-to-be-ex-series won for Outstanding Drama. ''I am so proud to be a part of a show like this,'' he said. ''I came here tonight to support my castmates, whom I adore, and my producers.'' Turning to show creator Aaron Sorkin, Lowe gushed, ''I serve for your pleasure and I continue to serve for your pleasure.''

BEST SHOW OF NATIONAL PRIDE After snapping up the prize for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama, ''The Shield'''s Michael Chiklis wasn't shy about showing his roots. ''This is my big fat Greek Emmy!'' he crowed.

BEST GOBBLEDYGOOK Jennifer Aniston's heart was in the right place when she accepted her award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy, even if the part of her brain that forms coherent sentences was already drinking a beer at the Governor's Ball. After the clearly rattled Friend speed-babbled through her acceptance speech, she struggled to explain the significance of her win backstage. ''It's the icing on the top,'' she said. ''It's a cake, it's a delicious cake, and now there's icing. On top.''

BEST WEIGHT LIFTER Oprah may have been on hand to accept the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award, but all that heartwarming goop about her contributions to frustrated housewives took second place to her newly svelte figure. Not surprisingly, she wasn't shy about sharing the secret for squeezing into her corset. ''When you start the perimenopause stage, you have to fight for everything you get, and it didn't come easy getting into this gown,'' she said. ''Lately I've been working out twice a day, and you have to do weights.''

BIGGEST CRAP DETECTOR It's understandable that after four nominations, ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' star Ray Romano would suspect Hollywood is full of it when he finally wins the Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy award. ''There's some trick behind this,'' he said, eyeballing his statuette. ''They're pulling something. They want to take me so high that I'm dead before I even hit the ground.'' As luck would have it, Romano has had previous experience with industry, well, you-know-what. ''The only demand I ever made on my show was two years ago,'' he said. ''The trailers we were in had portable toilets, and I don't want to get too graphic, but that had to get serviced once a week. So in year 5 of the show, I wanted plumbing. When I go to the bathroom, I want it to go away.''