The Transporter (2002)

Is it any wonder that a movie with a French producer (Luc Besson), a Hong Kong director (Cory Yuen), and an English leading man (Jason Statham) ends up all over the map? The ''Snatch'' star, whose stony features and receding hairline suggest a British Bruce Willis, grunts and glowers as Frank Martin, a ruthless driver-for-hire who's marked for death after he discovers that one of the packages that he's paid to deliver contains a bound-and-gagged woman (Shu Qi). Yuen, best known as a fight choreographer (''X-Men''), grinds gears between high-speed car chases, slo-mo gunplay, and so much hand-to-hand combat even Jackie Chan would yell, ''Knock it off!'' Cram in a ludicrous romance between the monosyllabic Statham and the barely intelligible Qi, hoot-inducing dialogue (''He was a bastard, but he was still my father,'' Qi blubbers after blowing away her bad-guy dad), and gratuitous Euro-product placement (BMW, Orangina), and The Transporter is like the worst movie Jean-Claude Van Damme never made.