Of course, if the sopping stars are casting about for blame, they should call Dimension chief Bob Weinstein. In 2000, ''Bob asked USA Films to see 'Pitch Black' and USA wouldn't show it to him,'' Twohy explains. ''So he got a bootleg and said, 'You should be making pictures over here!' So he basically just ran through his development slate and one [project] was 'Haunted submarine written by the ΒΆ guy.'... I rewrote Darren Aronofsky's scr... Hang on a sec... We need more drips! Damn it!''

Twohy scampers past gore-splattered sheets and a puddle of stage blood, to the cast's audible groans. His relentless pace and almost scary enthusiasm are becoming legend. A journalist visiting the set of ''About a Boy'' several miles away is told by codirector Chris Weitz: ''David Twohy? Whoa. That guy sounds...a little nuts.''

Everyone has their coping mechanisms. Bruce Greenwood (''Thirteen Days'') -- the vessel's captain -- strums his guitar while explaining: ''There's a little bit of 'Hamlet' in this. A little bit of the Scottish play too.'' Of course, it's not clear if he's talking about the movie or the shooting of the movie. Olivia Williams (''Rushmore'') sits quietly sipping tea. And everyone else seems to be hiding in a makeshift games area beneath the raised, tubular set -- grimly shuffling Scrabble tiles. (Little do they know that the movie won't come out for a year and a half: Dimension got scared off the original release date, Twohy says, by a two-headed hydra that turned out to be nothing scarier than ''Collateral Damage'' and ''Rollerball.'')

After suffering gentle ridicule for playing two instead of the point-rich towards, Matt Davis gets the director's call. He pulls on his scuba suit and voices what must be the entire cast's sentiment: ''Oh well,'' he smiles. ''I guess it's time to go get wet.''


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