In an effort to reach a younger demographic, CNN Headline News general manager Rolando Santos reportedly advocated the use of such dubiously hip lingo as wack and ill. While the net (a division of EW parent AOL Time Warner) says it was just brainstorming gone awry, we offer a few other relevant revisions. -- Brian M. Raftery
-- Adopt Murray Head's 1985 hit ''One Night in Bangkok'' as international-news jingle.
-- Immortalize beloved anchor Chuck Roberts in collectible Pog form.
-- Require commentators to speak in old-school (1804-1812) pirate vernacular.
-- Think synergy: Hire Cartoon Network vet Grape Ape as White House expert.
-- Add regional weather updates by Bell, Biv, and -- location permitting -- Devoe.
-- Reformat with cramped, multiple-screen images and hard-to-view graphics.
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