''$114 million -- that's nearly as much money as the Catholic Church paid in hush money this weekend.''
DAVID LETTERMAN, commenting on ''Spider-Man'''s opening weekend, on ''Late Show''

''With great power...comes great responsibility.''
PETER PARKER (Tobey Maguire) after discovering his new talents, in ''Spider-Man''

''In my mind, if Ronald Reagan can become President, then why not Will Smith?''
WILL SMITH to the press while promoting ''Men in Black II''

''The United States has long nurtured people's hopes and rewarded hard work...unless you are an employee of Enron.''
JON STEWART on ''The Daily Show''

''We're both Greek girls with big hair. I thought it would be a good thing to help someone with the same hair issues as I have!''
RITA WILSON on why she chose to help produce Nia Vardalos' ''My Big Fat Greek Wedding''

''Crack is wack.''
WHITNEY HOUSTON, denying her dalliance with the sacred rock in an interview with ''PrimeTime'''s Diane Sawyer

''Oh, my God...oh, my God [cries]. I'm sorry! This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Dorothy Dandridge, Lena Horne, Diahann Carroll. It's for the women that stand beside me: Jada Pinkett, Angela Bassett, Vivica Fox, and for every nameless, faceless woman of color that now has a chance because this door, tonight, has been opened. Thank you!''
HALLE BERRY, the first African-American woman to win a Best Actress Oscar, at the Academy Awards

''Has anybody seen the new Christina Aguilera video? I think it gave my TV genital warts.''
Weekend Update's TINA FEY, discussing ''Dirrty'' on ''SNL''

''I am beautiful/No matter what they say/Words can't bring me down/I am beautiful in every single way/Yes, words can't bring me down/So don't you bring me down today.''
From CHRISTINA AGUILERA's ''Beautiful''

''You are so beautiful. I love you so much I want to smash your face in with a sledgehammer.''
BARRY (Adam Sandler) to new love Lena (Emily Watson) in ''Punch-Drunk Love''

''I love you so much I want to rip out your eyeballs and suck on them and then punch you in the nuts.''
LENA back to Barry

''These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections -- sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent -- that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events that my death wrought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous body had been my life.''
Murdered teen SUSIE SALMON, in Alice Sebold's best-seller ''The Lovely Bones''

''Is that MAC?''
''Amazing Race'' contestant DANNY, as an Australian aborigine applied face paint to his cheek

''You swallowed our Lord and Savior.''
Larry David's SISTER-IN-LAW (Kaitlin Olson), after he ate the Baby Jesus cookie she'd baked for a Nativity scene on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm''

''Eeoow!''
Defendant MICHAEL JACKSON, entertaining onlookers in a California courtroom with funny faces and silly sounds

''Oh, so that's a crack ho.''
AJ (Robert Iler) to Tony after they're harassed by drug addicts in ''The Sopranos''

''Seven days...''
''The Ring''

''Sugar Pie, stop smelling my belly button!''
ANNA NICOLE SMITH to her pooch on Smith's reality TV series

''I want to run through the halls of my high school/I want to scream at the top of my lungs/I just found out there's no such thing as the real world/Just a lie we've got to rise above.''
From JOHN MAYER's ''No Such Thing''

''This crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend.... They're, like, 30 now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it 25 years ago and new nerds are doing it again.''
MERRILL (Joaquin Phoenix) to his frightened niece and nephew in ''Signs''

''Why can't they get girlfriends?''
NIECE BO (Abigail Breslin) back to her uncle Merrill

''Are you my Caucasian?''
LARRY DAVID to rapper Krazee-Eyez Killa (Chris Williams) on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm''

''Your blue ox came home?''
FRANK (Peter Boyle), after Paul Bunyanesque son Robert (Brad Garrett) said he had good news, on ''Everybody Loves Raymond''

''It's the first marriage for him, the third for her, and the last for neither.''
Weekend Update's TINA FEY, reporting the engagement of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, on ''SNL''

''Apparently, she had him at Jell-O.''
KAREN (Megan Mullally) telling Jack (Sean Hayes) about her husband's tryst with a cafeteria worker on ''Will & Grace''

''J. Lo's new song 'Jenny From the Block' is all about Lopez's roots, about how she's still a neighborhood gal at heart. But folks from that street in New York, the Bronx section, sound more likely to give her a curb job than a bl-- job -- oh, um, or a block party.... Sorry about that slipup. I have no idea how that happened, but it won't happen again.''
Fox News anchor SHEPARD SMITH

''Even if he didn't make penisary contact with her Volvo?''
TONY (James Gandolfini) to Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Bracco), talking about Ralph's kinky sex life on ''The Sopranos''

''If you're tired, you take a nap-a, you don't move to Napa.''
CARRIE (Sarah Jessica Parker) to Big (Chris Noth) after he professed his weariness of the Big Apple and his decision to open a vineyard

''The Yankees have decided to get rid of outfielder Ruben Rivera after he was caught stealing a bat and glove from Derek Jeter's locker. As a result, the Yankees traded Rivera to the Dodgers for Winona Ryder.''
CONAN O'BRIEN on ''Late Night''

''Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.''
New Hogwarts teacher GILDEROY LOCKHART (Kenneth Branagh) to the boy wizard in ''Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets''

''You felt her...bosom?!''
BARBARA WALTERS, after Sharon Osbourne revealed that she'd grabbed Camilla Parker Bowles' ''tits'' on ''20/20''

''Good things come to obsessive-compulsives who fixate.''
KIERAN CULKIN, as an enlightened misfit in ''Igby Goes Down''