Music Article

Viva La Resolution

EW's New Year's resolutions for music biggest names. Here's a variety of ways to shake, rattle, and roll an ailing, ego-driven music biz

Christina Aguilera | 'DIRRTY' LAUNDRY Aguilera should try out a pair of pants every once in a while
Image credit: Christina Aguilera Illustration by Anita Kunz
'DIRRTY' LAUNDRY Aguilera should try out a pair of pants every once in a while

Sure, the recording industry can look back with pride on a thing or two from the past year. But when you've got one pop diva talkin' drugs on prime time, another gearing up for her third marriage, and a rock star who's gone from wearing tight leather pants to panting through his songs, it's time to be a-changin'. With that in mind, EW has come up with New Year's resolutions for everyone -- from a certain whiny singer-songwriter to the country of Sweden.

-- Whitney ''Crack Is Wack'' Houston should worry less about the quality of her drugs and more about the quality of her music.

-- Sweden, land of media-hogging bands such as the Soundtrack of Our Lives and the Hives, should stop dominating the alt-rock buzz bin. Finland is getting jealous.

-- The programming-challenged VH1 should make more wise decisions like canceling Liza & David before it even aired.

-- 2Pac, wherever he is, should stop releasing albums. You're freaking us out, man.

-- Some enterprising TV network should do us all a favor and give Kid Rock a talk show.

-- The Band-Aid company should get Nelly on board as a company spokesman.

-- MTV's ''The Real World'' producers should cast one ugly roommate. And if they're really ready to abandon the formula, maybe a smart one, too.

-- The industry should implement a per-minute fine for every CD that exceeds 70 minutes, thus sparing us more padded double discs.

-- Label execs should give Afro-bohemia (think India.Arie, Cody ChesnuTT, Beyonce's brief pseudo-'70s frizz) the nurturing it deserves. Isn't it about time for a new urban trend?

-- Somebody should get Damon Albarn's Gorillaz their own TV show. There hasn't been a funkier, quirkier animated band since the Jackson 5 turned 'toon.

-- Bizzers should learn the difference between ''punk'' and punks who act like they know what the term means (think Avril Lavigne, Sum 41, Good Charlotte, etc.).

-- Labels should continue marking down CD prices.

-- Alan ''I Don't Know the Difference Between Iraq and Iran'' Jackson should bone up on his geography.

-- Ryan Adams should write 12 first-rate songs instead of 125 mediocre ones.

-- Christina Aguilera should wear pants once in a while.

1 2