Sound Bites

Soundbites

''Diana Ross was arrested for drunk driving. When asked about it, she said, 'You'd drink too if people said you looked like Michael Jackson.''' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night

''Just don't let me lose too much weight -- I don't have a thin-guy head.'' Doug (KEVIN JAMES), discussing his diet with wife Carrie (LEAH REMINI), on The King of Queens

''When I first met her and she stuck her hand out there, I didn't know if I was supposed to lick it or kiss it or just shake it.'' EVAN, describing his first meeting with an etiquette teacher, on Joe Millionaire

''Seattle's airport was thrown into chaos after a federal security screener fell asleep at his post for an hour and a half.... Turned out the whole thing was a misunderstanding: The security guard was actually just a drunk pilot who passed out on his way to the gate.'' CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show

Originally posted Jan 17, 2003 Published in issue #691 Jan 17, 2003 Order article reprints
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