The tentative folks at CBS aren't ready to talk about the tentatively titled ''Origins of Evil,'' their controversial Adolf Hitler miniseries, tentatively slated for May. We do know it stars actor Robert Carlyle (''The Full Monty,'' ''The World Is Not Enough''), and we had to wonder how his agent pitched playing the personification of evil. Our fabricated transcript of their phone conversation:
CARLYLE Hello?
AGENT Bobby! It's me!
CARLYLE Ach, ah cannae understan' ye, the connection's fer crap...
AGENT Bobby, ''Trainspotting'' was a long time ago. We both know you don't talk like that.
CARLYLE Ah ken it annoys ye, but tha's what ye get fer signing me tah ''Formula 51.''
AGENT Bobby, forget that. We're on to bigger things.
CARLYLE I already told you: No porn.
AGENT This isn't ''The Full, Uncut Monty: Too Hot for HBO6.'' This is a CBS miniseries.
CARLYLE Miniseries, eh?
AGENT That's right. Big money, big exposure. It's epic! And the best news is, you're the lead!
CARLYLE Great! What's the bad news?
AGENT The other good news is, you get to grow a mustache. Remember how you loved growing one for ''Trainspotting''?
CARLYLE I remember it itched. What's the bad news?
AGENT Well, you see Bobby, the thing is, you're, um...you're Hitler. [Long pause]
AGENT Now, Bobby, it's not like you haven't played bad guys before.
CARLYLE Trying to kill Pierce Brosnan is one thing -- we've all been there. Killing half of Europe is quite another.
AGENT Imagine James Lipton saying, ''And then, Hitler came calling...''
CARLYLE You're aware I'm a Method freak?
AGENT Think how fabulous you look in beige! Anyway, we've got the perfect defense: You were just following orders.
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