-- After all these years, who do you still enjoy simulating sex on?
KEVIN I make love with, not on. I would say Dave, just because we know each other so well. Hopefully, he said me.
DAVE I can't remember a single scene where I ever had to hump or
be humped.... My wife. I prefer faking sex with her.
MARK Dave's a little dry. If you hump him, he'll just sort of freeze like a deer. But everyone else will give it back to you.
SCOTT Oh, Bruce. Well, actually it's Kevin. Bruce is the best one
to have actual sex with. Kevin's the best to have virtual sex with.
-- What are the chances your responses have been the funniest?
MARK I'm dead last in that department. I'm not the wit.
KEVIN I'll be in fourth place. One-on-one, joke-wise, I'm never
the funniest. You have to see me four or five times, then you may think I'm funny. I'm a miniseries.
DAVE I say the odds are pretty good. Generally, I'm pretty funny
and I think I'm on today. So, yeah, I'll give it a 70 percent likelihood. And I think the odds that Bruce is the only one who mentions William S. Burroughs until just now are pretty good.
SCOTT It depends on what time you call Dave or Bruce. To give me a good handicap, call them really early in the morning, on a Saturday morning.
BRUCE I think 11 percent. It rotates. Somebody's a diva each and
every night. Okay, it's always Scott.
-- In honor of Dave's love of Scotch, give us a drinking game for
the special.
SCOTT Drink every time Dave does.
BRUCE Drink every time you see a little too much leg.
MARK Drink every time [Kevin and Dave] crack up at themselves in ''Simon and Hecubus.''
DAVE Okay, but I don't want to be held responsible for anyone's alcohol poisoning.... Drink every time the camera angle changes. If I was watching it, that's about how often I'd be drinking.
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