No doubt Dana Carvey envisioned the chameleonesque Pistachio Disguisey as his Austin Powers. Instead, it's just his Pistachio Disguisey, a woefully unfunny character in The Master of Disguise, a clueless comedy about a klutzy waiter who must master the family disguise trade to rescue his crime-fighter father (James Brolin) from a flatulent villain (Brent Spiner). Few of Carvey's disguises (including Turtle Guy and Al Pacino circa 'Scarface') make much of an impression, and for adults who remember Carvey's ''Saturday Night Live'' heyday, ''Master'' is, to quote his Ross Perot, ''just sad.''

