''The Rolling Stones are playing in China...and the government will not allow them to perform 'Brown Sugar,' 'Beast of Burden,' 'Honky Tonk Woman,' and 'Let's Spend the Night Together.' Not because of the lyrics -- they're just sick of those songs.'' Jimmy Kimmel on JIMMY KIMMEL Live
''Be nice to the British boy -- I'm your last ally.'' Guest host ELVIS COSTELLO on Late Show With David Letterman
''McDonald's tried to appeal to more Arab customers in the Middle East by introducing a new sandwich called the McArabia. Not only that, they cut off the Hamburglar's hands for stealing.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''An hour? In other words, a war that could destroy the global order and cast a region of the Earth into chaos was discussed for as much time as it takes LensCrafters to make your bifocals.'' JON STEWART, criticizing the length of the Azores summit, on The Daily Show
