Those attending this cattle call, one of 15 that have taken place in cities such as Dallas, Chicago, and Atlanta since December, practice selling themselves as they wait to meet casting directors inside celeb haunt Dorscia (formerly Moomba). ''My undaunting charm. My way with words. I don't know.... Girls say they really like my legs,'' says Hawk, 21, on his appeal. (The hulking blond's previous TV experience includes MTV's ''Tough Enough 2''.) Kay, a 28-year-old stand-up comic dressed in a white crochet top and skirt, says, ''I'm sexy. I just am. It's inherent. I love me -- if I didn't, I wouldn't be standing on this line.'' Adds student Ryan, 22 (a former Abercrombie & Fitch model): ''Hotness is pretty much physical. You're not gonna talk to some girl that's ugly. I don't usually date girls long enough to know their personalities anyway.'' That's fabulous, Ryan.
By noon, most of the contestants are ushered inside and brought in groups of seven to meet Konstantini and his fellow casting exec Luke Conklin, 26. The first four episodes of ''Hot'' will center on the juiciest bits of the audition process, with each episode representing one of the four ''Hot Zones'' in America. The temperature already seems to be rising as a production assistant gives one group a pep talk before it faces Konstantini and Conklin. ''You are about to enter the execution room,'' he yells. ''There are no second chances; this is your one chance to show the producers that you are HOT.... There are really no rules in there. When the producer asks you to show your stuff, you show your stuff. If you think your ass is hot, you show 'em your ass! They have seen thousands of people, and they are bored out of their minds. We need you guys to be HOT!''
And God love 'em, the Angelenos don't disappoint. One well-endowed woman declares, ''I don't think you have to take your clothes off to be hot'' before untying her black halter and revealing her buoyant, nipple-ringed breasts. A self-proclaimed ''small-town farm girl from Indiana'' straddles a fellow contestant and grinds atop him, waving her straw hat like a crazed cowgirl. A heavyset female with 38DDD boobies reveals she's wearing ''hot-pink, sexy, lace crotchless underwear.'' A bleached-blond exotic dancer named Boyd rips off his tear-away pants and executes a painful-looking split.
Those lucky enough to make the first cut -- about 50 were selected that afternoon, including Gisele (Go on with your bad self, girl! Apparently, sympathy for the ugly sells!) -- move to the one-on-one interview round to answer questions such as, What would you do with your life if you were ugly and weighed 400 pounds? Of those 50, about 10 will make it onto ABC's airwaves.
While waiting for the second round of interviews, the semifinalists bask in their hotness on Dorscia's patio: Nadisha, 26, was chosen over her identical twin sister (''I can only guess it's because she [flashed] her stomach, and I went for the chest''); Dave (we're only including his last name because we feel it's relevant) Pounder, 26, a professional porn star, shone by offering to have sex with a fellow contestant; and 26-year-old actor Tim says he has no problem being judged on superficial qualities.
'''American Idol' without the talent? I am that. I don't have talent.''
Oooh, honesty is soooo hot.
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