''I was always stuck in the mold of trying to please everybody except myself, so now I please myself -- and that sounds really weird.'' BOB on The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All
''Roman Polanski will not be able to come to the Oscars because he is still wanted in this country on charges of having sex with a 13-year-old girl. After hearing this, Michael Jackson said, 'A girl? That's disgusting!''' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night
''I thought we were going to the movies. I was looking forward to seeing Vin Diesel -- I heard he's got a new facial expression.'' Jack (SEAN HAYES) to Will (ERIC MCCORMACK), on Will & Grace
''Scientists have invented a smart bra that tightens its own straps when the wearer needs more support. Even more impressive, it beat Anna Nicole Smith at Scrabble.'' JIMMY FALLON on Saturday Night Live
