EVAN-ESSENCE (n.) Elusive qualities of charm and intelligence in an apparently dim-witted hunk, visible only to the gold-digging contestants on a no-winner reality show (see Joe Millionaire).
COWELL-LICK (v.) To humiliate and dismiss bright-eyed wannabes after they've given their all in front of an idle American nation.
SCHMIDTTEN (adj.) Feeling overcome with tenderness for a once-edgy leading man in a meeker, bleaker role (see Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt). -- Adam Bluestein and I.W. Nicholson