Sound Bites

Sound Bites

''A few weeks ago, Colin Powell laid out the Bush administration's case for war to the world. This weekend, the world gave its answer. That answer was, 'Are you f -- -ing kidding me?''' JON STEWART on The Daily Show

''The 'mind-blowing' conclusion of Joe Millionaire that Fox promised turned out to be a monetary prize. This was not nearly as exciting as the rumored surprise twist: that Evan Marriott is really a shaved ape.'' TINA FEY on SNL

''American troops are headed to the Philippines to disrupt a Muslim rebel group and get them back to what they should be doing -- making Nikes for Americans.'' BILL MAHER on HBO's Real Time

''There's a rumor that the Spice Girls are thinking of getting back together. As a result, the orange alert has been raised to red.'' CONAN O'BRIEN on Late Night

Originally posted Feb 21, 2003 Published in issue #699 Mar 07, 2003 Order article reprints