TV Recap

Ifs, Blands, and Butts

Mediocrity, blandness, and Babs... snooze. Jessica Shaw wonders if the week four semifinalists will be be better than this week's -- heck, they can't be any worse

American Idol | EIGHT IS ENOUGH Group three was anything but music to our ears
EIGHT IS ENOUGH Group three was anything but music to our ears

Mediocrity, blandness, and Babs... snooze

Is anyone else completely bored by ''American Idol'' this year?

The performers are neither pretty nor ugly, the song choices are lifted right out of the Lite-FM radio station rotation list from 1988, and Paula still can't bring herself to say anything but ''brilliant performance.'' Come on, Paula, did you really think George's rendition of ''Unchained Melody'' deserved such high praise? I thought Paula had gotten a talking to by the producers and was going to channel a bit of Simon bitchiness, but it seems she's still more interested in getting insecure teenage boys to worship her.

That said, there were a couple of bright spots in group three. Vanessa Olivarez, her magenta hair, and her ample booty all rock. She may not have Kelly Clarkson's voice, but she has more spunk than anyone we've seen on this season (except, of course, Frenchie, but it seems that we're all supposed to pretend she never existed). ''I know I have a big butt but it worked for J. Lo,'' she shot back to Simon after he told her to tone up. If that didn't get her a few hundred thousand votes, I don't know what could.

Well, actually I do -- the complete suckage of her teammates. Samantha sounded like she was auditioning for her sorority glee club. Lou Gazzara, though adorable, should stick to doing splits in the air. Good thing he's got those bonus talents like tap dancing and the ability to ''lead a cheer.''

I nearly fell asleep during Jordan Segundo's performance of ''For Your Love.'' Equoia was perfectly fine, but does anyone under the age of 35 even know the theme to ''The Way We Were''? I have a hunch the majority of Fox viewers aren't huge Babs Streisand fans.

Maybe next week will impress us, as the judges suggested it would. If our girl Frenchie were singing, things would be really interesting. And Simon may be especially right about the wild card show. All of a sudden the prospect of another performance from catty Kimberly from week 1 is music to my ears.

What did you think of the episode?

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Originally posted Feb 19, 2003
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