''Russell Crowe is marrying his girlfriend, Danielle Spencer. Here's how the seating will work: On one side, friends of the bride. On the other, Ron Howard.'' CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show
''I'm the type of guy that likes to do the chasing. I'd like Denise to do the running.'' The affection-averse STEPHEN on Married by America
''It was a long show, a little bit boring. I felt like Queen Latifah's breasts -- I could barely stay up.'' Guest host PAUL SHAFFER, discussing the Academy Awards, on Late Show With David Letterman
''Politicians in Washington have also become involved [in criticizing the war], once again proving the old adage 'As goes the short, sassy one from the Dixie Chicks, so goes a handful of Democratic leaders.''' JON STEWART on The Daily Show
