1 60 MINUTES It's celebrating its 35th year with a clip show. It'll be fun to see the reporters back when they were still in their 70s.
2 JERRY SPRINGER -- THE OPERA It's playing to raves at London's Royal National Theatre. The only thing that'll make you feel dumber than watching it? That you didn't think of it.
3 EMINEM The humor-challenged rapper won't let ''Weird Al'' Yankovic make a video parody of one of his songs. It gives a whole new meaning to ''Without Me.''
4 HARRY POTTER A printing-plant employee and four accomplices have been accused of trying to steal advance copies of the latest book. Slytherins, no doubt.
5 THE MATRIX RELOADED Okay, explain this to me again: Why do they wear sunglasses and raincoats at the same time?
6 ZETA-JONESING The new verb for pigging out, based on recent Web photos of one Mrs. Michael Douglas. As in ''I Zeta-Jonesed a bag of chips waiting for my celeb porn to download.''
7 THE NEW YORK TIMES One of their reporters was caught writing stories that had no basis in fact. We have a name for people who do that kind of thing: columnist.
8 RAY ROMANO The sitcomedian will get $1.8 million an episode next year. So that's why everyone loves him.
9 MARRIED BY AMERICA It seems the couple that TV viewers chose are fighting. Sounds like they're secretly hitched.
10 BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM Word of mouth has put the low-budget, star-free import in the box office top 10. One of those rare things in Hollywood: a good opening two months.
Texas Senate passes resolution calling Willie Nelson a ''legend''
Texas Senate passes resolution calling Willie Nelson a ''legend'' in honor of his 70th birthday