Curly hair. Hawaiian shirts. Ridiculous rhymes. That can mean only one thing: Tom Selleck! No, wait... ''Weird Al'' Yankovic! With a new CD titled ''Poodle Hat,'' the 43-year-old musical misfit continues his peculiar parade of pop parody. Shall we rain on it with some stupid questions?
Why Weird Al? Why not Wacky Al? Nutty Al?
I was more concerned about the Al part. Why not Weird Bob? Or Weird George?
What did you do with your two Grammys? Something...weird, perhaps?
Yeah, I've put them on the bookshelf. Pretty kooky, I know.
On your original song ''Wanna B UR Lovr,'' what was the inspiration
for the lyrics ''My love for you's like diarrhea/I just can't hold it in''?
Good taste is timeless, frankly. And I think most major pop artists have at least one reference to diarrhea on their album...
Eminem gave you permission to record ''Couch Potato'' -- a parody of ''Lose Yourself'' -- but not to make a video for it. Why's he playin' you like that?
I'm not mad at Eminem. He's entitled to his feelings. I thought it was unusual because he's a funny guy and he's done funny parodies in his videos. In fact, he did that great parody of ''Purple Rain'' -- what was it, ''8 Mile''? I loved that movie!
Yeah, screw him. Let's start one of those rap-war things with him.
Okay. [Long silence]
Umm, what happens now?
Now Eminem writes a song about me, and I cry about it because I'm very sensitive.
You started accordion lessons the day before your seventh birthday. How severe were the daily wedgies you endured at school?
After a while, I got to really appreciate them. It's the kind of thing that nowadays I have to pay for.
In 1991's ''Naked Gun 2 1/2,'' you held O.J. Simpson at gunpoint. You
knew something was up before the rest of us, didn't you?
When we were shooting, Leslie Nielsen had to slam a door into me, and by the 24th take, my bruises were starting to turn purple. It was O.J. who said, ''We should probably get Al some pads.''... He was the nicest future murder suspect I've ever known.
You presented the lead singer of the Knack with a big bologna after the success of ''My Bologna.'' What did you give Madonna after the success of ''Like a Surgeon''?
A colonic irrigation.
Is your hair actually a parody of Kenny G's?
A lot of people think it's a bad perm, but I'd like to set the record straight: It's actually bad natural hair.
If you did a parody of one of your parodies, would the universe fold into itself while the song reverted to its original state?
That is so deep. That would be like staring into a mirror with mirrored sunglasses and seeing infinity.
Complete this analogy: Al is to rock star as lunch meat is to ____ .