News + Notes

Lord of the Sing

Hobbits: The Musical? Hey, somebody thinks it's a good idea.

In the next two years, The Lord Of The Rings will be converted into a $13 million stage musical by a team of London tunesmiths. This sounded like such a good idea, we did our own adaptation for about $25 (adjusting for Twizzlers and Yoo-hoo purchases). Check out these excerpts belowor go to EW.com for the uncut, full-band versions.

Opening ''Mordor!''

(Enter a BEVY OF ORCS)

Mordor!

It's the joint with the Big Door!

It's no day at the seashore!

So you'd better beware!

Orcs roar

Like the crowd at a Phish tour,

When the weather is piss poor,

And the stoners won't share!

ORC SOLOIST

It ain't easy, bein' Orc.

''Tote that hobbit!'' ''Kill that tree!''

Plus, we look like Mickey

Rourke

After a long peyote spree.

ORCS

Better know what you're in for

In...Mor...dor!

Big Finale ''Oh, My Lord... of the Rings!''

(Enter GANDALF and a HOBBIT GOSPEL CHOIR)

GANDALF

If you're feelin' down

And your smile is saggin'

GOSPEL CHOIR

Lord of the Rings!

GANDALF

Just think about the tale

Of Frodo Baggins

GOSPEL CHOIR

Lord of the Rings!

Oh, my Lord, Lord, Lord,

Lord of the Rings!

(Lord of the Rings!)

GOLLUM

Even Gollum singses!

(Lord of the Ringses!)

Originally posted Jun 13, 2003 Published in issue #714 Jun 13, 2003 Order article reprints
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